Looking Back

Student work from nearly 30 years ago.

We are often told to stay in the moment, don’t dwell in the past. This is generally good advice in life. However, for an artist, looking back can be a balm for blue periods of self doubt.

Listening to other artists, and knowing myself, I see that it is common to question our abilities. There are days, especially when we are pushing our boundaries, when every stroke of the brush brings doubt. The feeling that our work isn’t any good, or doesn’t measure up to our expectations.

Class Work Revisited

Recently I packed up my home and studio of 17 years up for a move to a new location. I uncovered a stack of drawings I’d forgotten I had saved from the mid-90s when I took drawing classes: life study, anatomy, and advanced drawing, at the community college. Seeing those drawings brought the thoughts and feelings I had while I created them flowing back. I remember the frustration of knowing what I wanted to create and not having the skill to pull it off. I had moments of success, but also moments of failure. I recall struggling to find the patience to still my mind enough to fully develop a large, complex drawing. I found drawing myself when looking at myself in a mirror to be challenging. The results were somewhat skewed, with too-large eyes and too-small mouth.

Inked onto the back of one drawing of an interior in my house was a message from an instructor telling me to find a subject I could spend 6 or 7 plus hours on. She could see my restlessness and inability to settle down and dig into the subject. Another advised trying to use more expressive line work. She could see my stiffness and lack of confidence.

I was frustrated because I had done the best I could. But, I kept at it, determined to improve.

Moving Forward

When I looked at these drawings recently I felt that old doubt flow back. In the next moment, though, I realized that with a slight pivot in my thinking, this discovery of my old work was a gift.

I shifted my gaze to my current work that I’d gathered to pack for moving. It was clear to me that over the years of study and practice I have improved. I still push boundaries and sometimes I’m unhappy with the result, but sometimes I produce something I’m happy with.

So, in this way, it is good to look back, to see where you have come from, the progress you’ve made. It gives you the reassurance that if you persevere and study with the purpose of improving, you will progress.

If you let doubt stop you, if you let fear hold you back, you will not move forward.

Young Artists at Work

I talked above about looking back at progress over a long period of time, but another use of looking back is to create a tighter loop where you repeat a certain artistic task, like drawing a portrait, several times in a short period and observe the increase in your skill.

I had a chat with a friend the other night, a creative fourth grade teacher and an aspiring children’s book illustrator herself. She told me about how she is teaching the kids to draw self portraits using an iterative method. They start simply, first finding the shape of their face, then progress, making multiple versions of their self-portrait, each time refining their technique.

They are also learning the proper practice of group critique, further developing their critical thinking skills. Recently the students took part in a critique session in which they compared their first attempts at drawing a self-portrait to their most recent work.

I think you will see that the improvement is striking. I imagine that the students also saw this and found it to be gratifying and motivational. They are learning to look back, see the evidence of their hard work, and see that they are improving. They are motivated to keep at it and they continue to work hard, they do not give up because the current portrait is hard.

Just Off the Easel

Commissions

I accept a limited number of commissions per year. Contact me if you’d like to have a pet portrait to memorialize your beloved friend, or your current best buddy.